life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
