I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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