You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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