addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
