First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize