I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
