he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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