I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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