I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize