Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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