He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Two words: blizzard sex
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
