What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
