How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
