turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
