Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
