all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
