He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
