Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
