Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
