Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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