Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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