Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
that may or may not have been my penis.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
