Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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