I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize