I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
