What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You may now shotgun with the bride
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize