my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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