the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
