if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
