I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
