So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
