So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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