no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
