I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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