Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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