With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
