try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
