i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
false alarm. still invincible.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
