i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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