I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
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