Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
