Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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