The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
