Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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