Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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