Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
