you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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