did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
