who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize