What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
