$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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