U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
