Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
