I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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