never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
