uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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