Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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