I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
