I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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